i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
