I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
