so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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