i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
