Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
