Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
