i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
