Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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