Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
