just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
