He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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