So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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