Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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