I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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