Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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