me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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