she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize