Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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