ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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