I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i've created a new STD.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
