ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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