Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
