I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
