Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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