Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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