walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
one might say we're banned from that church
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
