i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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