Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize