Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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