How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
