got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize