Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
