I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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