His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
