scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
