i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
