There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
A bitchslap is in order.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize