We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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