If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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