Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
