meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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