My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
