Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
