I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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