I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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