So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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