Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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