Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize