I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
