When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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