I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
