but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
