Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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