For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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