you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
