I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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