so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
