You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
