just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't think brook has ever known best
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize