My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
