Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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