capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
